I don't really know where to begin with this post, or even what I want to say. Maybe I want to explain my absence from my blog over the last three or so weeks and just explain a little of what has been going on with me. To be honest, lots of the things are the same as normal: not knowing what to write, being busy doing other things, forgetting to blog or just not being in the mood. But there's been another thing too. A much bigger thing. Something that I'm not really sure how to say and something that I'm not even sure if I want to talk about at all. So I think I'm just going to come out and say it; My Grandad died on 22nd September, and it was a huge shock to the system. Whilst he was elderly and had become very frail and immobile in recent months, he hadn't really been ill as such, so the news of his death came as a very unwelcome surprise. And now we're just working on coming to terms with it all; on adjusting to the fact that one of the loveliest people in our lives isn't going to be around any more. Most of the time, things feel perfectly normal (something which I'm sometimes racked with guilt about), though I'm not quite sure that we've come to terms with it yet. They always say the funeral helps bring closure, but as my Grandad's isn't till next week, it's almost like we're in limbo at the moment, unable to come to terms with what's happened and unable to move on. At the same time though, the selfish part of me doesn't want to accept it. I don't want to be at the funeral, because that means it's real. That he's gone and that I'll never see him on this earth again. But accept it I must, because it's real and deep down, I know it's probably for the best.
And I think I'll leave the emotional bit there before I upset myself and maybe scare you off. Sorry for being so personal and maybe sharing a little too much; I just wanted to explain the reason I'd disappeared especially when I kept promising to blog more regularly. I am still planning to post more frequently, but am just struggling with writing happier posts at the moment. I'd really love to share what I'm looking forward to in October, and have seen another great idea for a post in the blogosphere, but I just feel incredibly shallow in even contemplating these things. I am still going to be around though, reading all my favourite blogs and commenting on your posts, but probably just not posting myself for a while. I'm resurfacing slowly it seems.
'Til next time...
Julie
