Enough is enough!!

Ok, I've had just about enough. Just about enough of doing nothing, that is!! I've been off work since last Friday, and I've spent the majority of my time since then just sitting or pottering around, with most days just melting seamlessly into each other because they're all the same!! Now to be fair, I've spent the last few of them trying to shake off a cold which hasn't exactly left me feeling 100%, but still my laziness and lack of motivation does leave a lot to be desired!! Should I watch a DVD? No, I can't be bothered. Should I do some blogging? No, I can't be bothered. Should I do anything other than sitting on my bottom for the entire day?? No, because I really can't be bothered. And it's stupid. Stupid for 2 main reasons. One, when I eventually do these things, I really enjoy them...blogging, for example, or at least feel pleased that I've met a goal...e.g. updating my CV and registering my interest in working at the BBC( finally completed today...woohoo!!). And secondly, if I never do anything, I'm never going to get anywhere with my life. My mind and body and soul will just stagnate. I'll never find the job that suits me down to the ground. I'll never find new favourite films and books and TV series that I can lose myself in over and over and over again. I'll never discover places and things and people that could inspire me more than anything. There'll never be a way to find that person that I actually want spend to my life with, the one with whom my baggage will not be an issue, because my love for him will outweigh my nostalgia for the past and the wishes of that one treacherous corner of my heart for the man I loved at 18 to be the one. It seems like a pretty hefty price to pay simply because I couldn't be bothered!! So from now on, I'm going to seize each day, and with August beginning tomorrow it's perfect timing. Because I've got a whole month to use. A whole month to get out and do things, go places, meet new people and discover new opportunities. And alongside this I'm going to have some mini goals for the month, which I'm going to share in tomorrow's post. And tomorrow's post is going to be the first of many because one of my goals is going to be to blog every day in August because if I'm going to be keeping busy, I'll have much more to blog about,right?! But that's all you're getting for now...just a taster as I begin my journey to creating the me, and the life, I want.

Pointless nostalgic?

Over the last couple of weeks, I seem to have been spending a lot of time reminiscing about the past, both individually and with friends. I've been thinking about the past, talking about it, looking up websites I used to frequent and almost obsessively searching the Internet for products and places that were well loved but have long since vanished! And the more I reminisce, the more things I find to be nostalgic about. Here's just some of them:
I'm nostalgic for:

• the excitement I felt when I was going out with my first real boyfriend and the openness of my heart back then. I wasn't the bitter cynic I am now; I was fuelled by happiness and and optimism about what the future would hold.
• the hours I used to spend on the Internet in my college lunchtimes: taking quizzes on emode, having my very own animals on Neopets and creating personalised email addresses on another.com. Although I suppose the dropdeadgorgeous.co.uk domani wouldn't go down very well on CVs and application forms nowadays!
• listening to my music on a personal CD player or even a Walkman!
• my favourite chocolate orange lip balm from Boots...I've even tried to ebay this but can't find it anywhere!
• the way the Trafford Centre used to be...I used to be able to watch cheap movies in the morning, grab tuna mayo baguettes from my favourite sandwich bar, have a fantastic night out and soak up the atmosphere and individuality of the "Festival Village" market. Whilst I still love the place, the days of being able to do any of those things are long gone! :-(
• the time when my idea of dressing up for a night out was black trousers and a sparkly top...oh how times (and fashions!) have changed! That said, I'm still a magpie...I love glittery things!
• the thrill I got when being served alcohol underage (such a rebel lol!)
• being able to see my best friend J every week, instead of just a few times a year.
• a time when life was simpler, and seemed more certain... at 17 I thought I knew which direction my life would go in, now I don't have a clue!

However, I know I can't look back forever. As Michael Cibenko so neatly put it: "One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn round to find the future has run out on us." And I know that's true. I may look back fondly to my times in college, but there are many things that I am grateful for now and things that I have to look forward to in the future. My family and friends and the enjoyment I get from spending time with them, my future career and relationships, plans for study and travel and the hope that eventually I'll fall in love, marry and have children...it would be a crime if I let the past obscure the good that is now, and that is to come. That doesn't mean I'll stop the nostalgia, after all it's always good to reminisce, but I think I'll try and bring it down a notch from now on. After all, you never know what I could miss out on just because I wasn't looking in the the right direction!

Funny how a few words...

can make all the difference. Yesterday, I was feeling down. I had the end-of-summer blues (not that you'd know we'd really had a summer from lots of the weather lately!) , I was unhappy about my work situation and was bothered by some jealousy and insecurity issues that I suffer with. I was all ready to write a blog post about it when for some reason, I changed my mind and instead searched for positive and inspirational quotes on the net. And that's when I came across this little gem:



"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." (George Bernard Shaw)



And that was when it hit me. I can be whoever I want to be - it's my choice. I can choose to get depressed about my work situation or I can keep on applying for jobs and keeping up with my professional development with a positive attitude, knowing that the right job will come along. I can choose to let my feelings of insecurity in my friendships get the better of me, or I can remind myself that my friends have chosen to be my friends for valid reasons, and be the positive and happy person that hasn't made an appearance so much lately. I can choose to see the autumn, and the new school year it brings with it, as a stressful and uncertain time, or I can choose to see it as a clean slate, a fresh start where I can make the most of opportunities that come my way. I can sit and wallow about the things I don't have or I can be thankful for the things that I do.



It's my life, my choice, my chance to be the girl I want to be and I'm determined not to let it pass me by this time!