Wednesday, 22 August 2012
My absence from the blog world of late hasn't probably been that surprising. I haven't blogged regularly in what seems like forever and my motivation to do so has been seriously lacking. And one of the main reasons for this? The fact that I feel I have nothing to write about, that nothing interesting, exciting or worthwhile ever happens to me. The other day I met up with some old friends who I hadn't seen for well over 2 months and they asked how I was and what was new. "Fine", I replied, "but you know me. Nothing really happens; it's just same old, same old." And the fact was I couldn't honestly think of anything to tell. There wasn't one thing of any importance that I could share. The others talked about home improvements, work, holidays, meeting new people. And then there was me, with my 'same old, same old'. I used to have so many dreams, plans and ambitions when I was younger, and now it's like I've just stopped dead where I am, watching the time and my life racing by, eager for something amazing to happen and stop me in my tracks. But it never does and I remain stuck in this vicious circle. The more I sit and do nothing, the less motivated I am to start doing something and the less motivated I am...well you get the picture!
So I've come to a decision: I need to start living again. I need to shake off my sadness that my life hasn't turned out the way I hoped and make every day count. I need to stop waiting around for something wonderful to happen to me and start making my own happiness. I need to realise that I'm the one chiefly responsible for the way my life turns out and that others can only affect me as much as I let them.
And how am I going to start doing this? Well, I'm starting by making the commitment to do more of what I know makes me happy long term. I know that I feel fulfilled when I spend time with the people I love. I know that being creative and expressing myself, be it through acting, singing, writing or baking, is something that I'll probably never tire of. I know that when I make the effort to take care of myself mentally, emotionally and physically, I feel so much better than when I neglect these aspects of my life. I know that I'm happier when my mind is stimulated, no matter whether it's through great conversation, reading a good book, learning something new or even just watching something that really makes me think. I know that I always feel better when I make the effort to 'do', than when I just sit around all day and I know that procrastinating causes me endless stress and worry.
I'm also not going to shy away from making bigger decisions and living new dreams. I'll look into how I can develop my career and turn a job I don't really enjoy into a valuable learning experience, and a step on the way to my ultimate goal. I've always wanted to travel so will look into doing just that. I may be single and not be be earning as much as I'd like, but there's still nothing to stop me. I'll start budgeting properly and saving so that one day, maybe sooner rather than later, I'll be able to afford my own place. All of these have so far been pipe dreams, but now's the time to start making them real. I might be scared and it might take me a while to put my plans into action but I need to try. Otherwise, I know I'll just end up looking back, cursing the missed opportunities and wishing, wishing, wishing that I'd done more. And that's something I'm not going to let happen.
And's that where I'm going to leave it for today. At least with my words anyway, because I do want to share this amazing manifesto which says it so much better and more succinctly than I ever could:
'Til next time....