Sunday, 4 July 2010

Searching for Inspiration

Over the past 2 weeks, I've been pretty much silent on the blogging front...I've kept up with the blogs I follow (to a degree anyway!) and commented on a few, but in terms of posting there's been nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch...I think you get the idea!! Now part of me had put this down to being busy and having other more "important" things to do, but a larger part had thought that I may have lost my inspiration...because even when I do sit down to blog, half the time I just can't think of what to write so I abandon the idea. I've toyed with the idea of introducing more themed days to make things easier on me, and also to hopefully help make the blog more interesting as it would be updated more regularly, but something has held me back. I think what that boils down to is that ideally I want the freedom to write about whatever I want whenever I want to, without worrying that I'm going to upset the pattern and routine of my posts if I do so. But as I started to ponder where my inspiration might have gone, I realised that it actually wasn't lacking at all. It was still there; what had disappeared, however, was my motivation. Take this example, for instance: I have an ever growing list of blog posts that I'm intending to write, some of them weeks or even months old. Amy and I went on our town hall tour in April, but the post I wanted to write is still pending. We've had our new kitten for around 2 months, and there are still no pictures of him on here! You see what I'm getting at?! And I think my problem with these is their lack of relevancy...the ideas have been around for so long they just don't seem meaningful any more!!

And relevancy and meaning brings me onto my second proof that I can still be morning scribbles. If I'm not prebooked on a given day, once I've had my breakfast and got myself ready, I sit and wait for a call that might not even come. Sitting and waiting isn't quite all I do, however, as that would drive me crazy very quickly. I used to read while I waited, now I write. And I write whatever comes into my head. Often it's lists; to-do lists for the day/week/weekend ahead, lists of blog posts like the ones I mentioned before. Lists that I don't often stick to, but that are somehow comforting as they give order and structure to my semi chaos. But lately, my writing is increasingly likely to be a full blown piece. Something that I'm intending to post on my blog but, inevitably, by the time I get round to doing so, it's lost its urgency and immediacy, its meaningfulness and relevance, so I shelve it and stare at the computer screen instead, racking my brains for a viable alternative. The bulk of this post actually comes from one such example...I wrote it on Monday morning, and looking at my original draft, I got to this point at 8:35 lol!! But although it's taken me almost a week to post, and it isn't quite in its original, first draft, state, I was determined not to let this piece go the way of the others.

So I'm posting this, mainly because mornings are when I find my true inspiration. For me, it seems the desire to fill those dangerous moments between the possibility of a stressful, last-minute dash to work and the (almost) certain knowledge that I'll no longer get an early morning call at such a late stage, has led to something unexpected. My tension seems to breed creativity. I get an urge to write...and I don't want to stop writing until the clock strikes 9 and I'm safe from stress and uncertainty. So out of my cloud, that situation I absolutely hate has come my silver lining...I've found that I can produce writing that's true and honest and straight from my heart. Writing that has meaning and urgency...words that I have to say now as I simply can't keep quiet any longer, even if I haven't realised it before I put pen to paper. So it's those tricky mornings that are, surprisingly, proving to be my inspiration, and I'd like to know...where and when do you find yours??

1 comment:

  1. I find inspiration in the smallest moments but I'm really working hard to train myself not to wait for inspiration because that's something that can't be forced. Thanks for sharing!