From dreams to reality...

In my most vivid dream last night I was pregnant. And I was absolutely overjoyed. There was a constant stream of happiness bubbling up inside me which threatened to spill out if someone so much as congratulated me on my fantastic news. Hell, I didn't even care when I felt nauseous, so ecstatic was I about the new life growing inside of me. And then I woke up...no baby, no happiness or excitement. Instead I felt bereft, empty. Despite the fact that I'm not actually in any position to have children at this point in my life and I enjoy the sense of freedom and lack of responsibility that being single with no dependants gives me, there it was. A feeling of loneliness and emptiness that, truth be told, is to a certain degree still lingering over 12 hours on.


But this post isn't really about my dream, it's more about my reality...my life today. You see, as someone who is quite into dream meanings and interpretations, one of my first instincts was to try to decipher what my pregnancy dream meant; how it translated into my real life. Now, the night before I had read the happy news that one of my Facebook friends was expecting and I had spent some time looking at some photos of my friend's gorgeous boys, so there's no doubt that these events may have had an influence on the content of my dream. However, I've done these things before and have never dreamed so vividly about pregnancy. I also see news of friends getting engaged and/or married on a regular basis these days and I could probably count on one hand the number of wedding dreams I've had. To put it simply, I was convinced there was some deeper meaning so off I set to look it up. And this is what I found:

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. 

Thanks Dream Moods Dictionary!!

It's safe to say that this interpretation definitely resonates with me. My life seems like it's at a crossroads right now and I may well head in a direction that I never would have expected. I've been actively searching for a new job and have come to the conclusion that it may not be in education. And most of the time, I'm ok with that. In fact, there are times when I'm more than ok, as I relish the prospect of new challenges and the opportunity to explore skills and interests that have been put aside in my current job. There are also a number of projects that I'm making a start on. Yesterday and today, I made the first steps in decluttering, organising and tidying my room and I intend for this to be a major and long lasting change. I've updated the photos on my online dating profile and as soon I get time in between working, tidying and job hunting, I'll hopefully start dating again. And after a pair of jeans failed to fit me the other night, it's also my goal to eat more healthily and do more exercise!!

So even though my dream left me feeling sad, I'm aiming to take only positive things from it. I may not be pregnant yet, but I don't want to be right now. There's time enough for that ahead. Instead, I'll think about the new opportunities that are presenting themselves to me and the positive changes I'm making. For now, the growing and developing is about me and my babies are the projects, goals and ideas I'm making happen!! :-)

'Til next time...xx

Highs and Lows of the Week

(Picture taken from weheartit.com)

As the picture says, Happy Sunday everyone! Hope everyone is having one as restful and enjoyable as mine has been so far! And as it's Sunday, there's really no better time to post a round up of the highs and lows of my week. Now long-time readers might remember that this was a feature of the blog back in the days when I did actually post with some regularity, and I'm really keen to make it a major part of it this time around too. Not only does this lazy blogger not have to think of anything original to blog about on Sunday nights (a bonus for me, especially if my brain's been mashed with school work!!), but I also feel it's a really good exercise in giving thanks for both the big and not-so-big things that contribute to making my life as good as it is (I am lucky, even if I forget that sometimes  a lot). So without further ado, here's what's been making me smile and cry this week:

Lows

• Being diagnosed with suspected mumps: This has been my big all encompassing low of the week. Now, firstly this has meant that I've had a swollen face (mainly on the LHS) and chin, which was quite painful leading up to, and also in the first couple of days after, my diagnosis. Also, as mumps is a highly contagious disease, I've been sat at home since Tuesday afternoon for fear of infecting others which means I've missed out on watching "Ghost the Musical", rehearsal and the pub with my drama buddies on Friday night and my friend's hen do (bachelorette party) last night. And it's not just socialising that I've been barred from this week...mumps has also cheated me of the chance to say a proper goodbye to all the children I've taught and the staff I've worked with at the school I've been doing long term supply at since the start of November. The last point was by far the hardest to deal with...I'd been coming to terms with the end of my contract on Friday for a few weeks. I'd already started to plan a party for the children I'd worked with and was determined to go out on a high. And then on Tuesday afternoon I went to the doctors and never came back...now the school have made it quite clear that I'm more than welcome to drop in when I'm feeling better and believe me I'm going to (I have a mountain of resources to sort out besides anything else!!), but it still won't be quite the same :-(

Highs

• Realising there really is no place like home: Now when you're ill, or even if you're just feeling sorry for yourself, there's nowhere you'd rather be than home, And no-one you'd rather have taking care of you than your mum! Seriously, I don't know what I'd have done if I hadn't been living at home this week. Mum made sure I had food that I was able to eat (even going so far as to cut the crusts off my bread when my jaw was at its most painful) so I didn't go hungry and I was just able to laze around all day, safe in the knowledge that I had no household jobs to be getting on with. And big thanks also go to my sisters for having the great idea for them, my mum and I to have a DVD night last night and to my dad for hugging me and just being there while I had a bit of a cry the other day. And whilst I'm thanking the others, I suppose I can't go without thanking my brother for not being quite as annoying as usual lol!! Seriously, I would have been lost without them this week, so I'm saying a BIG thank you to them all as well as Happy Mother's Day to my fabulous Mum!!
• Having a rest (which really was needed): This time last week I was STRESSED. I had lots of work still to do for school, I had lots of busy evenings coming up in terms of social events and driving lessons and I really wanted a break. Then came my swollen face and the doctor's appointment and bam!! 3 weeks off. A few days of doing pretty much nothing and a few latish get ups and daytime naps later and I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. Just in time for the 2 week spring holidays...woohoo!! :-)
• Fabulous friends: The kind who take time out of their day to text or fb you to see how you are. The kind who listen to you moan without a word except if it's to check if there's anyway they can make your situation better. I've been reminded of how many of those I have over the past few days, and it's lovely, let me tell you.
• Losing weight: Over the past three or four weeks, I've been following a personal training programme on the "Biggest Loser" Wii game. Now, I won't pretend I've been being a saint by any means...I've not been exercising every day and I'm not being overly restrictive with what I've been eating, but I have been upping my activity levels (both in terms of doing the suggested workouts and some extra walking thanks to my afternoon job) so I was quite disappointed when my first couple of weigh ins showed that I hadn't lost any weight and my weight had, in fact, marginally increased. So it was with trepidation that I stepped onto the balance board today, having done no exercise for over a week and I was convinced that I'd be looking at no change at best. Imagine my disbelief when I saw that I had, in fact, lost 1.4 kg!! Considering my appetite hasn't been noticeably decreased by my illness, it came as quite a welcome surprise, but now the flip side is that I'm feeling the pressure not to put the weight back on as soon as I can eat crisps and the like!

And that was the week that was...and here's to the next one!! :-)

Till next time...

Is it really going to be March tomorrow?

I honestly can't believe it...2 full months into 2010 already! February, in particular, has absolutely raced by for me...working full time did for the first half of the month, and then I had a week off which of course was a guarantee that that time would just fly! Then back to work, and here we are! Anyway, enough of my ramblings about the fleeting nature of time(!), and back to the real focus of this post...a look back at February, a look forward to March and an update on where I'm at with my 2010 goals.

Looking back

So, in a nutshell, my February has been all about:

Teaching...I taught full time for the first two weeks of the month, plus a little bit this week and I also had a interview/lesson observation at one school plus an additional lesson observation at a second. My interview at the second school isn't until Wednesday, so I technically can't include it here!

• Treating myself...Whether it's been shopping for clothes, watching a certain film for the 4th time, grabbing a coffee or just enjoying a cheeky glass of wine on an otherwise quiet night in, February's been a month for indulging myself a little! Bad for my bank balance maybe...but good for my soul, as long as I don't make too much of a habit of it! Maybe I should start looking for treats that don't cost a penny, like the fab time Amy and I had exploring Manchester.

• Friends and family...As always, the most important people in my life have been a common thread linking the best parts of this month together. From fantastic nights full of WKD, homemade gingerbread and cheesy dancing or cocktails and karaoke at the start of the month, to theatre going, beer drinking, "intelligent" conversation and multiple toasting in the middle and DVD nights and play watching at the end...my friends have been there for it all, and I know that these times wouldn't be the same without them. And as for my family...my week off enabled me to get in a whole lot of sister (and Mum) time, be it shopping with all the girls, or going to town with Amy. Then there's the weekends...spending Saturday lunch with my grandad and uncle, as well as the rest of my family has been a tradition for as long as I can remember, and I wouldn't be without it. And recently, we've started adding a couple of new parts to the tradition...after lunch, we'll sit down and play cards or (our current favourite) dominoes. What started as a little fun has now turned into some serious rivalry with all of us vying to be the winner! Yesterday, I did pretty well...I won 2 of the 4 games, and am hoping to keep hold of my crown for next week!

Looking forward

Next month, I'm looking forward to:

• Starting rehearsals for my new show...After having a month off, my drama group starts rehearsals for our new show tomorrow and I can't wait! It'll be great to see everyone again and I'm really looking forward to making a start on learning our new songs.

• The days getting longer and the nights getting shorter...As someone who has had seemingly months of leaving for work before sunrise and arriving home after sunset, I am so looking forward to that little extra bit of daylight which March will bring!

• The end of winter and the beginning of spring...In a similar vein, I'm now heartily sick of the particularly cold weather that much of this winter has brought with it and I'm really hoping that March will herald the start of spring and bring warmer temperatures and sunny days, instead of the ever present threat of snow that I associate with this winter.

• More good times with family and friends...Although there are no definite plans as yet, I'm sure that March will mean more opportunities for fun with my favourite people. There are a couple of friends' birthdays coming up, so I'm sure I'll end up going out for those, if nothing else! Plus it's Mother's Day here in the UK in a couple of weeks so I'm looking forward to celebrating with my mum then too.

Goals Update

So, back at the beginning of January, I posted my Goals List for 2010. Having had a look through it, I'm shocked at how many of the goals have just fallen by the wayside or, even worse, have never really got started. I really need to make a bigger effort next month methinks. Nevertheless, for your consideration, here is my Goals Update for January and February:

• Pass my driving theory and practical tests...this is a work in progress. My driving instructor has given me some really positive feedback of late, and I've now booked my theory test...the date is the 8th of April, so wish me luck! If all goes well, then it'll be all systems go for booking my practical...eek!
• Get a long term/permanent job...again, a work in progress. I'm still applying for jobs on a regular(ish) basis and have had one unsuccessful interview since the start of the new year, with another interview scheduled for next week.
• Be a better friend...now this started off quite well, and I made specially sure that I was in touch with my best friend J every week during January. But now things have tailed off, and as awful as it sounds, I often forget to stay in touch! To be fair, I don't ignore people and always reply if they get in touch with me, but I need that extra kick up the backside to motivate me to make the first move!
• Be a better sister/daughter...again this is something I've not seen much progress with...I have my appreciative moments and times when I really take time out to listen to my family like I should, but also my selfish moments and little strops where I act more like 2 than 26!
• Run the Race for Life and better last year's time...I've not signed up for this yet, but I fully intend to and this year, I definitely won't be walking it!
• Adopt a healthier lifestyle...Unfortunately, this hasn't really took off so far this year. Whilst I haven't put any weight on, I haven't lost any either and this is down to the fact that I'm still not always making the healthiest snack choices and that I'm struggling with finding an exercise I like enough to fit around work. Hopefully when I sign up for Race for Life, it'll be a good motivator as I'll want to get in shape!
• Read at least 2 books a month from beginning to end...I met this in January (I read "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" and "The Return of Sherlock Holmes") but have failed this month...I'm only just over half way through my first book! I am enjoying it, but just can't seem to find the time lately!
• Grow my nails...Epic fail! Nothing much else I can say!
• Overcome my fear of thunder and lightning...A bit of a weird one this, I haven't sought any professional help and I guess I'm just waiting to see how I deal with the next stormy day we get.
• Put at least £50 in my ISA each month...Another fail! Probably because I'm not used to putting money in it so I just forget about it! I should maybe set up a standing order, then I've got no excuse!
• Keep a careful track of my finances and set myself a budget...And another one! I'm finding it quite hard to manage my money at the minute, although in my defence, it's very hard to set myself a budget when I never know exactly how much money I've got coming in each month! Definitely something I need to work on!
• Develop my cookery skills...Does making gingerbread count? That's the only thing I've made this year, and as it's a recipe I'd already tried last year, I can't say I've met my goal! Like some of the other goals, I need to set aside time to work on this!
• Cleanse, tone and moisturise every morning...On the whole, this has been a success and I'd say I'm managing at least 6 mornings out of 7!
• Let go of my baggage from the past...This is another slightly strange one, as I think the only way of measuring how successful I'd been would be to be in a situation that I'd found difficult in the past because of my baggage, and obviously this isn't something that I can really manufacture. Also I'm not really sure how to go about it, as I don't want to spend loads of time needlessly raking over the past, as it's never really helped me before!

And that's it from me! Hope everyone has a great March, and I'll hopefully be back soon with normal(ish) service resumed!

After the jog!

Well, I'm still alive! Me and one of my friends bit the bullet and went for the long awaited jog this evening (although it was more like half jog/half walk!) and it was better than we expected :-) We're both in agreement that we're going to keep the exercising up, and may even do some more tomorrow! I know it might be a bit too little, too late for the race itself but in terms of my overall health and fitness it can only be a good thing!